Everything is quiet again. Back to normal. It’s been a month since our visitors left (I can’t even) and, with the vacation posts out of the way, I can’t ignore the elephant in the room anymore. Too many people have been asking.
Well, it’s not.
This is the strangest place I’ve ever been in, writing wise. In pursuing my dreams, I’m tenacious. I don’t back down from what I want and I work my ass off to get it. Being the mother of a three-year-old means constant running around, but I’ve learned to utilise the time in those between-moments to the fullest. When she’s doing arts and crafts, I work on my own art next to her. While she’s playing with blocks, I’ll do some reading or research. And while she sleeps, I write. Or, I used to.
It’s been 10 weeks since I’ve worked on The Physician’s Apprentice. Sure, I opened the manuscript and read the first 20 chapters again. I even edited a line or two. That’s where it ended.
This is the longest I’ve gone without writing or working on something for the novel since its start. This lack of drive strange and confusing, but I don’t know how to fight it.
I’m not a believer in writer’s block. Yes, I wake up some days without any desire to work, but when I sit down and type the first sentence, something productive is bound to happen. And when I don’t know what to write, I revise the last few chapters. That usually helps to get the mojo back for the next writing sprint.
This time, though, it’s not happening. I feel disconnected from writing (and in general). My mental state definitely plays a part here, with angst levels in the red zone. I feel like I’m frozen, while everything around me is spinning in a vortex. I’ve not been myself for the same ten weeks in which I haven’t written.
While avoiding writing, I hurl myself at other things. Since the end of the vacation, I’ve been cleaning like a nesting pregnant lady. I’ve repainted and completely customised two dolls in two weeks, made a lot of art and read all the fan theories concerning Dragon Age, The Blacklist and Doctor Who. And I mean ALL the fan theories.
At least reading up on the lore and history of a fictional world has taught me some things about crafting worlds for stories, so it’s not a complete waste. The crux remains – I’m not doing any real work.
And that’s the point of this post. I’ve always found that making myself publically accountable for something is a massive motivator to get shit done. Failure doesn’t hurt so much when nobody knows you’ve failed, right? That’s why I’m going to commit to getting my fingers back on the keyboard from today. I’ll give you an update every month, which will force me to sit my ass down and work.
If I’m lucky, I’ll escape the eye of the storm too.
Hope you have a good weekend, folks.