A few years ago, before the birth of my first blog, I was recovering from a really bad time in my life. It turns out makeup was just the creative outlet I needed. Full of hope and belief that makeup would heal my heart, I took to blogging about it. Today I can safely say that small step was one of the defining plot-points in my story.
I’ve learnt a lot on this journey. About myself, about others and about life. I’ve changed both physically and spiritually, but, like a caterpillar, I’m not done changing yet. Maybe that is supposed to frighten me, but I find it pretty inspiring. There’s no time to stagnate here.
Today I want to introduce myself.
I’m Yolandie. (you-lun-dee)
* I’m a woman. With this comes the need for constant chatter, lots of beautifying, and the desire for cuddling and feeling loved. I just listed the stereotypical points of womanhood–stereotypes come from a grain of truth, after all–but there’s just too much to me to simply fall into a stereotypical mould.
* I’m a wife. An incredibly blessed one, I might add. Being with your soulmate and best friend every day is more fulfilling than I can express. I never thought I could love a person as much as I love my hubby, but he makes it easy. We’re going to make quite the pair of seniors one day, and I can’t wait.
* I’m a mother. Wow. Just typing it gives me chills. What a responsibility, what a joy! Above I said I could never imagine loving someone this much. That applies here too, but in a completely different, though just as deep and meaningful way. Watching her grow and learn has been a blessing.
* I’m a writer. The sound of my fingers tapping the keyboard is sweet music. This, this, is what I am supposed to be doing. This word-smithing thing, this creation of worlds and people and feelings. The joy, excitement, self-loathing, uncertainty, eyes straining after hours of working–writing is glorious.
* I’m an artist. This was one of my first passions, and it remains. The feeling of paint under your fingernails sounds horrible to a non-artist, but it’s a lifeline to any creative. Bad day? Paint. Good day? Paint. Mediocre day? Paint. Angst and stress and the shitty parts of life don’t disappear with the stroke of a brush, that would be too easy, but the bad things do become more manageable when covered in paint.
* I’m loud and slightly crazy. I’m the one at the table laughing, gesturing and talking in the loudest, most passionate way. I’ve feared in my life that people would be ashamed of this fact, but strangely, they aren’t. Or they just don’t tell me. 😀
* I’m a dreamer and an optimist. During the course of my life, I’ve always been busy with some half-baked, hair-brained scheme. This has included making steampunk jewellery, doing nails, making bath products, learning to sew, sculpting, movie making, writing books, YouTube videos, selling an array of things, drawing a webcomic etc. I don’t live in reality, where things aren’t possible. I believe that anything can be done with the help of the right people, and I always have. Sometimes, this belief has backfired on me, but other times, it’s paid off ENORMOUSLY. Because of this aspect of my personality, I try to always say things that will encourage, inspire, and build.
* I’m fiercely loyal. If I’ve got your back, I’ve got it forever. Need someone to bring the shovel? I’m your girl.
* I’m a social creature. I need people. Maybe this is worsened due to the fact that I spend my weekdays cooped up at home with no more conversation than my little one (which is fabulous conversation in its own right). But I’ll talk to anyone who will listen; from the person working at the grocery store, to my fellow makeup-buyer at the Inglot counter, to the lady behind me in the queue for the loo.
* I’m dramatic. I simply can’t tell a story without doing wild gestures, different voices and sometimes terrible accents.
* I’m emotional and I get too attached too quickly. I cry a lot. I cry because of movies and series and commercials. Because of YouTube videos and blog posts. Because of people that don’t exist outside of the pages of novels. I’ll cry when I’m extremely happy, sad or frustrated, tired, inspired, awed–whatever.
* I’m a mother-hen. I don’t know if people in the rest of the world use this term, but here in South Africa, it means that someone has a mothering type of personality. I’m that person. I like to keep people fed and happy. 🙂 I’m that friend who requires a message from you to know if you got home safely (but often forgets to send the same message myself). I’ll ask you a million times if you need a refill on your drink, something more to eat, something warm, or medication for your (insert ailment here). I honestly can’t help it.
* I have no style. The majority of my clothes are black or grey. It’s not that I don’t like colour, just that I love dark colours. Also, black and grey work well with jeans and sneakers–AKA my uniform. I do wear the occasional dress in the summer, but most of them are black or grey too. 🙂
* I’m self-critical. My own worst enemy. I’m working on this, but the going is slow.
* I need to keep everyone happy/help everyone. Which is great, except I don’t know when to stop and I’ve hurt my own mental health way too often. I also have a relentless need to be liked. A lot of the time, I forget who I am when facing the standards others have set for themselves or for me.
* I’m impulsive. Need someone to buy your incredible new product that will change my life forever? Yeah, I’ll buy it. Which is another reason I’m so happily married. Jan is very level-headed and steady. He uses the thinker in his skull, which keeps me out of trouble more than I’d like to admit.
* I’m so much more than I’ve listed here.
* I’m growing, you know? Today I know stuff that I didn’t yesterday. Tomorrow I’ll have learnt something new again, and that’s fine. No, it’s more than fine–it’s brilliant. Growing as a person is a gift we’ve been given. It means we have new goals to strive for. It means we have a new day to learn things. It means we’re alive. And I love it.