The first draft of A Study of Ash & Smoke was riddled with redundancies, AKA pleonasms. My editor, Nerine Dorman, took to my debut manuscript with a kill-it-with-fire vehemence and likely mumbled a million curses at the ceiling as she removed them (among other issues) from my very *cough, cough* unpolished novel.

I’ve said this before, and it’ll probably be the hill I die on, but many editors charge per word. If we kill the excess with fire before they can, they focus on more important issues in our work. Right?

We also free up words for stunning scenes that leave readers breathless. Everyone wins.

One of the easiest ways to self-edit and lower that word count is by removing pleonasms.

What is a Pleonasm?

According to the Google definition:

ple·o·nasm

/ˈplēəˌnaz(ə)m/

noun

the use of more words than are necessary to convey meaning (e.g. see with one’s eyes ), either as a fault of style or for emphasis.

If you’d like to read more about pleonasms, there’s a great page on Wiki.

Pleonasm in Writing

I recently listened to the audiobooks for the first three instalments of a four-book series (I won’t mention which ones because I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade). The story was good and kept my attention, but if I had a penny for each time someone nodded their head or shrugged their shoulders, I could afford a cottage in the woods. I strongly believe writerly quirks and repetitions pull readers out of the story, and that theory proved true with those books.

So, let’s break it down.

Of all our body parts, the word ‘nod’ is only ever used regarding our heads. We don’t nod elbows, legs, or shoulders, so when we say ‘nodded’ readers instantly know we mean our characters are bobbing their heads up and down.

The same goes for shrugging—the action means our shoulders are lifted. We don’t shrug feet, hands, or toes, only shoulders. If we shrug out of clothing, it won’t refer to trousers, only to shirts, jackets, robes, or items that cover our shoulders. Except if we’re contortionists. 🤣

Tip: Ask if a specific action can be applied to another body part. We can shake our heads, hands, feet, etc, but we can only taste with our tongues.

Of all the pleonasms I’ve found in preparation for this post, ‘the nape of their neck’ and ‘expression on their face’ are the most common.

Since we have a nape in only one place, dropping the ‘of their neck’ is fine. The reader will know where the nape is.The same with expressions. They live on our faces, so we don’t need to say that’s where a character wears a smile, grimace, or frown. If they frown with their bellies, they’re probably featured on a really weird 90’s show. 🤢

How about organs? ‘Her heart beat in her chest.’ Well, of course, it did, as hearts generally live in chests. I also recently heard what has to be my all-time favourite, ‘Her stomach churned in her belly.’ That’s exactly where a stomach is going to churn, isn’t it? Anatomy makes it so.

We don’t have to remind our readers where their organs are located—they already know, allowing us to cut unnecessary explanations.

Words like ice-cold and flaming-hot are pleonasms—ice is always cold, and flames are always hot—but sometimes we use pleonasms in metaphors or dialogue to make our characters seem more believable. Breaking a grammatical or stylistic rule can serve a purpose and enrich our writing, but that has to be the exception and not the norm.

Common Pleonasms

As I said at the start of this post, I struggled to see these redundancies as a fledgling writer. So, to help us all, I’ve compiled a list of common pleonasms.

1. “No,” *character* denies
2. “Yes,” *character* confirms
3. All new
4. Armed gunman
5. Armed shooter
6. Ascend up
7. Black dark
8. Blink eyes
9. Breath in lungs
10. Brief summary
11. Clash together
12. Clench together
13. Close proximity
14. Cock head to side
15. Cold ice
16. Completely empty
17. Completely full
18. Descend down
19. Down south
20. Enter into
21. Equal halves
22. Exit out of
23. Expression on face
24. False lie
25. False myth
26. Fold arms on chest
27. Frown on face
28. Frozen ice
29. Gape on lips
30. Gather together
31. Grimace on face
32. Grin on face
33. Halve down the middle
34. Hear audibly
35. Hear with ears
36. Hear with own ears
37. Heart in chest
38. Honest truth
39. Hot flames
40. Hot steam
41. Huddle close
42. Imagining in mind
43. Lie down
44. Little baby
45. Loud scream
46. Loud shout
47. Lower down
48. Lungs in chest
49. Mouth gapes
50. Mouth yawns
51. Nape of neck
52. New baby
53. Nod head
54. Nod head up and down
55. Pace side to side
56. Quiet whisper
57. Raise up
58. Rediscover again
59. Repeat again
60. Resume again
61. Return back
62. Ribs in chest
63. Rise up
64. See visually
65. See with eyes
66. See with own eyes
67. Shake head side to side
68. Share in common
69. Share together
70. Shoulders shudder
71. Shrug shoulders
72. Sit down
73. Slight tinge
74. Smell in nose
75. Smile on face
76. Smile on lips
77. Smile on mouth
78. Sneer on face
79. Sound in ears
80. Stand up
81. Stomach in belly
82. Sway side to side
83. Taste with tongue
84. Think to myself
85. Thoughts in head
86. Tiny baby
87. True fact
88. Unexpected surprise
89. Up north
90. Yawn on mouth

If you think of more, drop them in the comments and I’ll add them to the list. We only win if we help each other!

Until next time.

Yolandie