Lately, I’ve constantly been thinking about life as a new immigrant. I know so many people who have either just moved or are about to make a home in a new country, and they’re sharing so many firsts photos in their feeds.

It’s difficult not to get all nostalgic about the same time in my life. The feeling of the late-summer sun on my skin as we walked around in Essen for the first time. The excitement that came with the first frost and Christmas markets. The epicness that was that first winter, with the novelty of snow.

And then, when we did it all again in Canada.

I’ve written about coping after this kind of move in the past (Part One and Part Two of Tips to Help You Adapt After Immigration and The Stages of Home) but I want to update some of my ideas today.

Write Down Why You Left

New immigrants find it hard to believe this, a week or two after reaching New Home, but a day dawns when every immigrant wonders what the hell they’ve done.

I found this especially true during the dying coughs of our first German winter (the same one that had awed me with the magic of snow). Layer upon layer of soggy clouds had devoured the sun and cast us in dusky grey. When you’re from a country where the sun is almost always out to play, there’s something fundamentally depressing about going without at least a glimpse of sunlight for weeks.

You miss your family, you miss the weather, you miss that coffee place on the corner, and so help me, if you have to hear one more announcement on the train in a language you’re desperately trying to learn, you’ll sob uncontrollably. What the hell have you done?

I call this the ‘Oh, Shit’ stage.

Coping will be easier if you have something you can refer to when you start to doubt your decision to move. So write down why you took the plunge. Maybe the money is better. Maybe you’ve always dreamed of living in Europe (buy waterproof shoes 🤣). Maybe there’s less crime or a better future for your kids. Maybe you moved to have an adventure, to surf new waves, to sample exotic cuisine. Maybe you just left to have faster internet.

Also, write down what you adore about New Home during the honeymoon or ‘OH, WOW’ period. Wow, I really love this shop! Wow, the sunset over the ocean! Wow, the nice lady helped me to find the right train! That kind of thing.

Hold on to hard proof that you haven’t made the biggest mistake of your life.

Keep Photos or Mementos Handy

Yes, we all have Facebook or Instagram, but I found it so helpful to have printed photos of the people we love at eye height around the house. In Germany, we kept these photos in an album where Kayla could easily access them too. She was still small back then (where has the time gone?) and it was easier for her to page through the album and poke her stubby little fingers at those faces she missed. Now that she’s bigger, we’ve framed the pictures and put them up where we see them every day.

It helps to know you’re not alone, even when you’re half a world away from the people you love.

I’ve mentioned the mementos thing before, but I can’t stress enough how much it helps to have some semblance of the every-day when you’ve moved and are still trying to find your feet.

Even if you just move across the street, there’s always a chaotic stage afterwards when your new place doesn’t feel like home yet, right? You haven’t had time to stamp down your essence. This feeling is much amplified when you’re in a new country.

Even if it’s just your favourite teapot, a book, or a pillow, something that reminds you of your roots will bring comfort in uncertainty. This is especially true for kids. Do make sure to have items from their old room in your luggage when you leave. DON’T put the blankie she needs to sleep in the cargo of a freight ship, due for delivery three months from now.

Get Out

I became a hermit in Germany. While I was most depressed, I didn’t go anywhere without Jan. I’m not kidding when I say I stayed at home and didn’t interact with anyone except my family for weeks at a time.

This was bad enough for me, but even more so for Kayla. At the time, though, I couldn’t cope. I was anxious and depressed, and this strange new country freaked me out.

Eventually, I realised what a mess I was and made a point of getting out every day, even if it was just a short walk to greet my hubs at the train station. My mental health vastly improved with fresh air.

I forgot about those walks when we just moved to Canada, but then I made a conscious choice to get out again when my anxiety got the best of me.

You may not want to, especially not in the ‘Oh, Shit’ stage, but take my word for it. Get out.

Walk, run, explore, whatever, but don’t let the worry over what you’ve done rob you of joy.

Be Honest About Your Feelings

I didn’t do this after our move to Germany. In fact, while I was pretty much drowning in angst and depression, my family and friends had no idea. They thought we were all fine and settled.

When I finally allowed myself to open up about what I was going through, everyone was shocked. We looked so happy. On a side note here, it’s way too easy to smile when a camera is pointed your way. There’s always more going on behind the Instagram-perfect moment.

I approached things differently when we moved to Canada. I was open about every concern from the onset, and I got over the post-immigration shock so much faster.

I will concede that the language and culture had a big impact on my mental well-being too. We could actually ask store clerks questions and understand their responses. We could turn on the radio and follow the conversations between DJs. Because of the Commonwealth, Canada and South Africa actually have a lot in common in terms of culture and products in stores.

Still, telling people how I felt meant I didn’t have to carry the weight of it all alone. Priceless.

Try to be kind to yourself too. Immigration isn’t easy. It’s an enormous change and takes time to grow accustomed to. Some people don’t struggle as long as others, but I’ve yet to meet the immigrant who hasn’t experienced some sort of stress related to their move.

They all have another thing in common–they survived and made a new home of their New Home. So will you.

Yolandie