A few years ago, I had an epiphany—I’m not done growing yet. Like all things at that time, ended up on the blog, in this introductory post.

It’s four years later, and I’m still growing.

Stagnating is one of my greatest fears. There’s something about the idea that I’ll be crushed against a roof that totally freaks me out. I don’t want to stop evolving. Ever. So, it helps me breathe a little easier knowing that my growth journey is ongoing.

Then it should be no surprise that I’ve changed since that introductory post. Here’s how.

* I’m Yolandie. I’ve always tried to guide people through the pronunciation, but my name still confounds the North American tongue. It’s you—lun as in fun—dee as in tea. Do with my surname what you will. 🤣

* I’m married to the king of the geeks, a tech-wiz, and my best friend, Jan (which is pronounced like yahn). He’s epic! We have an awesome, dinosaur-loving, science-crazy daughter, named Kayla. My little family is the best.

* We’ve lived in 3 countries. Leaving all you’ve known to find a home isn’t an easy thing. It’s tricky. Murky. There are moments so dark you doubt light ever existed, and moments of such intense elation you forget you’ve ever been sad. In a nutshell, immigration is life-changing.

We were completely isolated in Germany. Though we tried, our language skills didn’t allow for smooth communication, the culture was way different than what we’d known before, and what Germans viewed as run-of-the-mill was far out to us. Jan and I grew less dependent on others, but depend more on each other because of that.

* I adore writing more than ever. Crafting with words is satisfying on a level so deep I don’t even know how to name it.

* I lost touch with my art-making somewhere in the saggy bits of immigration, but recently rediscovered the joy of art. When anxiety and life get too much, a paintbrush or pencil can heal.

* I love nature. I never realised quite how much until we moved to picturesque Germany. I feel most at peace when I’m in the mountains, hiking through woods, or sitting at the edge of a lake. There’s something about the smell of dirt, the mustiness between clustered trees, softly lapping waves, or the rolling echoes in high places that makes me feel truly alive.

* I used to think I was an extrovert, but I now know I was wrong. I need people, certainly, but I recharge in solitude. Crowds are the worst. Large groups bring me no comfort, even if I know everyone present. I prefer deep conversations on the side. Always a wallflower.

* Speaking of deep conversations, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl. As I get older, I have less time for meaningless acquaintanceships. I want the kinds of friendships that will last forever, that will grow and evolve along with the involved people. Whether I’ve known you for a week or 20 years, if I consider you a friend, I’ll probably be your friend for the rest of our lives.

* As an extension of the point above, I get attached super quickly. I meet people sometimes and know instantly that I want to keep the friendship going forever.

This is one of the main reasons why I avoid standalone books, for example. Within two pages, I’ve become so attached to the characters that I never want to say goodbye. I also prefer series over movies, because they usually last longer. I hate falling in love with someone on the silver screen, only to deal with abandonment 90 minutes later.

* I’m still loud and dramatic, though not as much as I used to be. That time of isolation cost me some volume and mock overreactions. But I’ve learned that there’s merit in quiet moments, too.

* One of my greatest fears is accidentally hurting someone’s feelings. I want to accommodate everyone at all times and never want anyone to suffer because of something I said.

* I have a pathological need to be liked, which is why it’s become so important to me to have a few deep connections with people instead of a multitude of shallow ones. I’d rather be 100% Yolandie with a small group than go out of my way to impress many. It’s damn difficult, I tell you.

But it’s healthier. Navigating anxiety becomes doable when some of the pressure is removed. Also, because shallow relationships carry less weight, there isn’t as much heartache when it turns out one of them was fake.

* I have major impostor syndrome and tend to self-sabotage. Creative life, right? But through speaking about these things openly and honestly on the blog, I’ve learned that we all feel not good enough at least once in our lives. Learning not to doubt every little thing I create is a work in progress.

* I’m less impulsive than I used to be. Everything is considered a hundred times, whether it be a pair of shoes or a new sofa. Of course, this means loads of time deliberating, but at least there are fewer purchases of random things.

* My taste is bland, both in dress and décor. My clothing tends to be black or grey, and the only colours I wear are dark hues. Most of our furniture is grey too. It’s easier to coordinate that way.

* There’s more to me than one blog post can contain. I’m still learning and evolving, so maybe we’ll do this again in four years.

Thanks for reading.

Yolandie.